The Importance of Being Unsatisfied (Part 1)

We feel unsatisfied until we know ourselves akin even with that greatness which made the spots on which it rested hallowed; and until, by our own lives, and by converse with the thoughts they have bequeathed us, we feel that union and relationship of the spirit which we seek.” ~ Jones Very

As the summer dusk fades into black of night, so it is I am unsatisfied - so enduringly and unshakably unsatisfied. And even as the sun rises on another day, and the windows of yesterday shatter beneath me – even as glory overwhelms me so purely, so it is I remain unsatisfied.

Listen. Do you hear it? Do you fear it? Do you wish to be near it?

Chances are you don’t and that’s perfectly understandable, comprehensible and everything in between.

Listen. Do you hear it? It’s the sound of people trembling at the sound of its utterance. Unsatisfied. Painful, isn’t it.

And yet, I’ve come to realize just how people relate to this particular world: many live to defy it, many thrive to deny it and several more strive to decline it.

Truth be told, I’m not better or worse for being out of this norm. And I am in no way superior for being a recipient of a Spirit-given epiphany. No one is. But if I were to die today, what goes with me is something I have found that sadly many people never do…and that…is the importance of being unsatisfied.

So how do I paint this Michelangelo style, in way that stirs, lures and endures rather than purrs and deters.

I suppose for now you’ll have to relate through the median of me, note the fair connections and proceed with caution as I lay some groundwork.

If we are ever to grasp the beauty in dissatisfaction, then we must understand how being unsatisfied has more to do with long-term, foundational soul building than short-term, provisional disenchantment.

Dissatisfaction, then, is not so much a pit to dig out of but rather a bridge walk that connects a stunned epicenter to its arrival at a new and better place. It’s not so much an ambush of guilt lurking in the shadows as compared to a springboard that launches one in line and in sync to his/her calling. This, in my opinion, is the silver lining to joy’s strength. You see, the easy route - the road more traveled by - is always the road where emotional decisions are closely based on its naturality.

No doubt, I understand that it’s natural and perfectly human to desire meaning out of everything and for a sense or action to be dependent on what is deserving. But why do we hesitate to implement control over the end results of the many situations and circumstances that hold in them key importances that govern and rule our lives? Why do people mutilate their psyche, and occasionally their bodies, in hope to establish restitution and penance for a crime or wrongdoing they’ve committed?

For it is so that such a move is tragically bonded to its innate want to feel sensible. And it is the very yearning for truth, the desperate want to go beyond sensibility that holds the key for those who seek to become overcomers.

Behold, this is a lesson that has taken me years to not just realize but apply and utilize time and time again: to be unsatisfied is the first step into embracing a higher life.

And within the ‘higher life’ one can find grace, acceptance, understanding, perspective and perseverance – all beyond measure. It is here where our deep is more or less crying out to Deep as compared to meeting and being refined by it to the point we are ultimately transformed, and we come out completely fresh and anew. And all the while our initial dissatisfaction fades into an entirely alien and unrecognizable entity.

Still not everyday soon after will be easily navigable. If anything, the storms will only seem to multiply, while the grounds beneath seem to sink all the more. And yet the purpose for dissatisfaction leads us on, for we know now how it’s meant to save and guide us in times of tribulation – in times when all we seem capable of doing is withstanding. And to the quivering voice that seeks the death of my heart, I can now stand up and say:

It is true that I am unsatisfied. It is true I am unsatisfied that my past comes nowhere close in capturing the wholeness of me. It is true I am unsatisfied with the decisions of long ago that were linked to the shattered glass of a contorted self-image. It is true I am unsatisfied with unintentionally setting people up with falsehoods in which they may or may not hold to this day. It is true that I am unsatisfied with once possessing likenesses to those who have grieved me in ways they will never see. It is true I am unsatisfied that I had many a chance to overcome my doubts and deepest apprehensions only to yield to susceptive sensitivity. It is true, it is true, it is true I am unsatisfied of how I’ve failed, why I failed and the key moments of which the failures themselves occurred.

But I refuse to be bounded. I refuse to be held captive by the conditions that induced the deepest of my displeasures and instead will rise on the opportunity to be forever changed. Because that is how I’m called to respond – that is how I’m designed to react so even in the midst of my greatest dissatisfaction, I find You.

God be with me and hold me close…for it is also true I am satisfied in You and how You’ve opened my eyes to Your beauty in all things – for in all things, there exists many importances: of being grateful and slow to pride … of being selfless … and… of being unsatisfied.

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