Now since then, I have quailed a bit with the realization my title should have ideally engaged a variant of prefix, with “dis” (implying progression and advancement) being the designator, and an “ex-nay” on “un” (possessing a more past-orientation). But for now I must dwell in the house of mercy conceded to me by the writing gods…
In a few short hours, I, along with a fifteen-member team from Lee University, will be soaring over the mighty Gulf of Mexico on route to San Pedro Sula, Honduras. Our mission, as we have chosen to accept, is to ignite joy and life through several local, church-based communities through devoted service and ministry.
So as the takeoff meter ticks down, I find it especially tasking not to bethink on what has occurred so far in 2009, a year of overwhelming overcoming.
Since the clock has struck ’09, I feel I’ve tasted only the scintilla of God’s vast awesomeness. And with the end of five-year college career rapidly approaching, I tell you today I desire, I yearn, and I dream for more than just a spark from a superior Father, but for an enduring rekindling of passion that will illuminate a increased hunger for God again and shatter the mold in the pieces of me that have grown anemic and uncharacteristically wavering.
Athough life has been rather pale lately, during the past few weeks, I’ve come to understand how I'm in dyer need of something I can’t yet describe. With a slightly vexatious yet promising future ahead of me, I have sensed my spiritual antennas to have caught a bit of static. And now I stand face to face with the very word that captured my world late last summer: dissatisfaction .
Now I could spend the next several paragraphs attempting to render the internal warfare raging within; however, I feel compelled to instead use my new found sense of dissatisfaction for purposes of motivation and spiritual ignition, as compared to rambling off word bites of regret.
Dissatisfaction, I’m learning, will be a saving grace for me until the day I die. And glory to God, this facet of me has reemerged in significant fashion once again at a crucial juncture in my life.
In a way, I feel like Indiana Jones during the final moments of the last crusade, preparing to take a leap of faith onto a platform he can’t see, over an abyss that he can – a fitting analogy that applies well into the action of my own ‘currency.’
With my comfort zone moments away from breaking drastically, I crave to be shaken, a hope I will no doubt see in motion as I set foot on alien ground. I depart emotionally exhausted, yet I am anticipative of experiencing supernatural glimpses of God’s wonder.
And with my farewell to everything familiar, I remind myself of the words God filled me with on that July mid-summer night:
“Dissatisfaction is not so much a pit to dig out of but rather a bridge walk that connects a stunned epicenter to its arrival at a new and better place. It’s not so much an ambush of guilt lurking in the shadows as compared to a springboard that launches one in line and in sync to his/her calling.”
To be continued...
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