3 Ways to Overcome Loneliness
…secure in the journey, but perhaps insecure in community?
No question, it’s an awkward emotional dichotomy…to feel in love where you’re at yet estranged at the same time.
Perhaps you’ve wondered what do when you feel like you’re not connecting or what to do when you feel God isn’t honoring your obedience with the right relationships.
If that’s you, then heed my words…
…’cause truth is: I’ve been there...
…and in some ways, I’m still there.
And I’m sure for many of you reading this…you can say the same.
With that said, here are three ways to rightfully cope with the contradiction.
1) Live and breathe God’s wholeness.
No doubt, God is enough. The question is: do you honestly believe it?
Consider Jeremiah…a prophet whose calling meant to be alone, as evidenced by his directive not to marry, go to weddings or funerals, be in the presence of feasters and merrymakers, etc.
When we study Jeremiah’s narrative, it shouldn’t surprise us to find him often discouraged and depressed. After all, Jeremiah was entirely human…and to be without friends is one of life’s greatest challenges. But though Jeremiah carried certain “love deficits”, this didn’t keep him from finding satisfaction in God, as noted by his tendency to open prayer with “sovereign Lord” and conclude it with a reference to His steadfast love and/or power. Though Jeremiah lived without companionship, God was able to use his singleness and isolation to fulfill His purposes1 through him in ways that couldn’t have happened had he shared dependence.
As for us, there may be seasons when God temporarily detaches us to cultivate greater dependence on Him, as He did with Jeremiah. But while these seasons may be arduous, we can still find contentment in knowing God always has our best in mind and always sees the beginning from the end.
Hence, it makes perfect sense to receive God’s wholeness since it not only helps us cope with our deficiencies, but provides spiritual nourishment to keep going…all the while, renewing our trust in His providence.
2) Pray the Word over your location.
Let’s be honest: It’s easier to pray for people you know than those you don’t, right?
…especially considering we live in a compartmentalized culture where our concept of the world is essentially our concept of ‘our world’.
However, let’s say God repositions you in a foreign place or season. Would the change be enough to diminish your prayer life or would you stay persistent regardless?
While prayer can certainly benefit from sound company, truth is: the tempo of our prayer life should not be dictated by our social life2 or lack thereof.
Why? ‘Cause at the end of the day, it’s God who orchestrates our connectedness!
Thus, if we’re feeling dissatisfied or desolate, we should feel compelled to turn to God without hesitation and seek his direction, considering if anything is in the way, it’s likely a stronghold of man.
So next time you find yourself disappointed by the hardness of your heart and/or surroundings, pray the Word over your location…and choose to make intercession your default as opposed to withdrawal.
Again, it may not be easy, but you can, at least, bank on finding fuel even when you’re running on empty.
3) Focus on opportunities to serve.
As mentioned before, we all want to belong…and find our place.
However, though the desire itself makes sense, the problem is often how and where it’s prioritized.
For instance, if the desire is overly prioritized, then we risk engaging community as a means to an end, where on the flip side, if the desire is not prioritized enough, we risk relationship being a nonchalant concept, dependent on chance rather than intention.
But if we truly want to bridge relationships organically, why not focus on opportunities to serve and invite God into the process?
Seriously…it’s not like we have anything to lose yielding to the Spirit’s leading.
And if you think you got to have friends before you can find your “place,” consider how God prepared the way in Scripture time and time again (i.e. God frequently prepped the territory before tending the inhabitants; see Deuteronomy 1-16, John 14:3).
In short, when it comes to seeking connection, the best approach is to let God be God by consecrating our relationships (present and future; real and hopeful), staying rooted in prayer, and seeking His desire to plant us in the best place possible…in the best way possible.
1) To fulfill his purpose, it was essential Jeremiah relied entirely on God, considering he may have a) integrated a fear of man into his prophecies or b) fallen away completely had he placed his own needs above God’s wants.
2) Or how we feel our social life is
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