Monday, May 18, 2009

A New Battlefield

Calm are my seas now, my course reset.

The directory has indeed altered, but time and placement have become allies again.

I'm starring out on a familiar setting, sincerely decomposed from the past four months. The year has truly been a jaded battle fought on estranged territory. And yet I feel almost victorious by some miracle, no doubt sustained by redeeming grace and surpassing faithfulness.

With my days at Lee officially sealed, I've begun to find myself again. Amidst the rubble, I've seen new light. And for the first time in months, I'm believing again.

All year long my resolve has been tested and tried.

Coming into this final semester, having been rebuilt and retooled in 2008 in making the leap from battered vagabond to illuminated pillar, I found myself standing at the pinnacle of my college career. I felt confident and complete, a byproduct of cohesion with more inspiriting and synergetic people.
The climb back to wholeness that highlighted much of last fall crafted such an indelible mark in my spirit, I finally found strength to embrace all prior despondency that for years had been operose in processing.

But recent navigation has been turbulent at best. And though I write with clearing skies and a storm in my rear-view mirror, I still feel somewhat frozen after months stuck in great instability. If you note the irony in that last sentence, kudos to you.

I never meant to start a war. I never wanted to hurt. And transposing away from true form, I became like a pacifist fighting blindfolded on a self-made battlefield.

With drama came mental and spiritual fatigue, and with it a proportional relationship sparked, where personal ennui connected with my veiled want to own a piece of God's copyrighted control.

But now I'm finding resurrecting peace, as undeserving of it as I am. Deep down, I know I'm destined to become a pillar of salt for the Kingdom. My soul longs to stand on inspired words of everlasting truth. My mind seeks to be divinely restored. So in accordance with renewed faith, I am stepping onto an untrodden battlefield, where the real war comes only after I've first found the shattered parts of me.

I'm acquiring the armor, for I can't fight without a shield. I know the outcome, but that doesn't justify the fact I must take my place on the battlefield. Thus, when I fall and fall again, I will never doubt my rising. God is my Commander. Starting now, any failure I must endure will come at the heel of hallowed appointments, so in all things my direction infallibly persists on the journey to recovery, discovery, and everything in between.