What's a Girl to Do before 'I Do'



By: Lyssah Ferguson & Cameron Fry

When it comes to interactions between those of opposing sexes, it would be nice if there was a “Godly Pursuit and Response for Dummies” guide.  I mean, I’m not the biggest proponent of math, but some sort of tried and true formula would be nice.

Not too long ago, I read as Sammy laid his heart bear about the pursuit of his wife.  He made some great points.  Guys are up against a gamete of things when they seek to win the heart of a lady friend.  While reading, it hit me.

If it is the guys responsibility to pursue, what is the gals part in the dance we call love?  Are we supposed to be carding wool by a fire somewhere waiting for a suitor to come and sit on the porch in the cool of the evening?  Or do we roll with women’s lib, batting the eyelashes, looking liking we’ve got something to sell and we’re ready to entertain bids?  Or should we just act like nothing’s going on until we get the note asking us to check yes or no to the second grade question of “will you be my girlfriend?”

Any of these options seem a little on the unfair.  One puts an awkward strain while the other results in men having to dig through the mess to find their treasure.  What is a lady to do? 

Ask God and maybe some Godly guys while I’m at, that’s what.

It stands to reason that if God is the author and finisher of our faith, he’s probably got a series of installments planned that encompass a few other things as well.  So the question becomes: does the bible give any examples of a woman’s role in pursuit? 

Rebekah (Genesis 24)

∙         Rebekah had her role (v. 15, 16).
 

o   She was part of a family, had a job and was faithful to do it.  She wasn’t sitting around waiting to be found or running around like a carnival barker.


o   When asked for a guys perspective, Cameron Fry (youth director at the Gate Church in Franklin, TN) responded:  “Guys can discern if a girl is being herself or not. Guys want the real deal to be transparent. A man and woman should find each other both in the context of being 'lost' in God. Like the Word says, we can only find ourselves if we first lose ourselves. I believe this is best template for a man to find a woman. They fall in love with each other because they already HAVE fallen in love ;) “

∙         Rebekah was cultivating the fruit of the Spirit (v. 17-25)               (Galatians 5:22)

o   “I’ll water your camels as well” and “There’s plenty of room at our house”. Hello kindness/gentleness.


o   “A woman can aspire towards wholeness, soaking in the rich fullness of sweet presence. And even if she doesn't feel entirely complete, this can still be a reality.”
∙         Rebekah was armed with modest allure (v. 64, 65)

o   She knew the man was her future


∙         Rebekah was ready for her life to change (v. 54-58)

o   A relationship was going to change the day to day of Rebekah’s life.  It required sacrifice and a willing heart.  She was ready to put her own comfort/way of doing things aside to make room for someone else.
o   She covered herself.  Rebekah was not scheming or looking to lure Isaac in.  She was confident in what was being worked on her behalf.  If she had that much confidence in a stranger she had just met, how much more can we have knowing God is orchestrating something beyond our imaginations capacity?
o   From the guy’s side, “Guys can tell if a woman is trying too hard. We look for a woman who isn't forcing on either side, whether fronting or hiding.”

There you have it…a small, yet helpful perspective on a gal’s guide to being pursued.  Oh, and Cameron had one last thing to add…that equation I was looking for.

“A woman must distinguish the difference between who she is and what she is called to do. A man should take part in his adventure with the Lord first. Mathematically, think 1 x 1 = 1. Then add some zeros to each 100% x 100% = 10,000% 10^(2) x 10^(2) = 10^(4) There's power in exponents.” 


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