Monday, February 2, 2015

Goodbye, Seattle

There's something strangely romantic about the rain in Seattle.

Something sweet and dear amidst the mist.

I don't know if it's the emerald ambiance or the abundance of alpines.

All I know is when I touchdown in Seattle, I'm usually home.

But after a four-year hiatus between my most recent visits, I've, no doubt, had to revisit a chilling reality...
...one we all face at some point or another...

...and that is: times change.
Relationships grow.
While some estrange, others slow.

'Cause as the charm of childhood fades, as the innocence of youth dims, you begin to realize: you can't always pick up where you left off.

And sometimes, the life you used to know isn't meant to be known any more.

So you press on… high on hope, yet down on the fact it still hurts…

…lost somewhere between what was and what is, wondering why a hard reboot can’t reset life to the good ol’ days…and why a clean slate can’t woo a splintered soul…

…and why a thankful heart* sometimes isn’t enough to cure emptiness and offset the pain of what was never seen.

Of course, there’s the beauty of the grander scheme unfolding...and a supernatural joy to behold when we press on and punch through…when we remember the God who not only makes all things new but orchestrates them for our good.

Yet, maybe you’re like me and have encountered the awkward dichotomoy of loving the clean slate, but also wanting life to make sense just as much.

Well…as much I hate bursting bubbles…I’m telling you: you can’t have it both ways. You can’t bask in the glory of starting over from scratch, while also feeling entitled to connect the dots that make up who you are...that have led you to where you are…as if your peace is somehow contigent on making everything count for something.

‘Cause truth is: While it’s perfectly human to want life’s defining moments to mean something, it’s only when we lay down this right when we start to take flight (see Jesus’ definition of living vs. dying). And hear me…I understand the desire to have people know the real you. I know what it’s like to drown within the cocoon of your own transformation…wishing those (who should be) closest to you could catch a glimpse of the greatness being worked within.

But ‘til then, the best remains a shadow in people’s minds…in everyone’s but yours.

And while God is most certainly enough…it doesn’t completely solve the heartbreak of feeling like an alien among familiar faces…like an Ishmael in a land of Isaac’s.

Perhaps you find yourself in a similar boat…where your favorite characters on in a different book than the one you’re in. And perhaps you’re scratching your head, wondering how to move forward when emotionally, everything feels hopelessly lateral.

Honestly, I don’t have the answers, but I promise I’ll be seeking them.

In the meantime, I bid a fond farewell to the City of Swass, knowing the know the best is yet to come

…and how even though I may wrestle with the outdated filters of people I wish I could be closer to…even though I rmay return to places I no longer can pick up from…it doesn’t mean I can’t believe for God’s best.

And with that, I say: “Goodbye, Seattle”.

It was real…

Footnotes

* for the memories and lessons learned

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