Braking Forgiveness
Have you ever had a revelation shortly after a favorable
cinematic or musical experience? Perhaps the delight and insight seemed
disjoint at first, but after mulling it over, you realized, ‘Hey, I can string these two together to
capture a powerful metaphor?’
Well...let’s just say that’s where I am now as I write this.
First, allow me to divulge the insight…
Lately, I’ve been reading about the wounding/forgiveness
relationship and how unholy tolerances of [seemingly] minor deceptions can lead
to deeper heart issues. As a guide, I’ve been soaking in Terry Wardle’s
Wounded: How to Find Wholeness and Inner Healing in Christ, where he not only shares testimonies of people who
conquered unforgiveness, but provides a sequential, biblically-based prescription
on how to defeat it as well.
His first point, in particular, caught my eye: “Do not move to forgiveness too quickly”.
Now, could Mr. Wardle
have been looking for a contrarian perspective to kick things off? Perhaps.
But having pondered the point for a couple days, I believe
there’s legit biblical value to be found here.
For starters, we tend to want to heal as soon as
possible…which makes sense considering our innate inclination to self-preserve.
Just get me a freakin’ Band-Aid and I’ll
be fine, we say to ourselves.
But
truth is: what
we often need in those moments is a willingness to go under the knife.
Yeah, it may string more…yeah, it may take longer. Then
again...shouldn’t we want this? To be intentional in fully processing the profundity of what/whom
we’re forgiving? After all, it's not like we have anything to lose taking forgiveness
seriously.
And hear me: I’m not suggesting we can’t get right in a
moment with God…or that we can’t declare mercy from the onset; however, we must
remember: forgiving our brother is a
marathon, not a sprint…a process, not a destination. Thus, if we’re rushing
forgiveness, then chances are, we’re doing it wrong.
To illustrate the fact, I call upon one of my favorite
adventure movies:
Apollo 13. As some of you may recall, towards the end of the
film, as the crew prepares for re-entry, we’re made aware of two obstacles:
1) The lunar module will have to contend with its damaged
heat shield (and breakup potential) as a result of the oxygen tank explosion.
2) The module will have to enter the earth’s atmosphere at
just the right angle to avoid deflection into space (too shallow) or a total
burnout (too steep).
Of course, like any decent ‘90’s action movie, the conflicts culminate into a happy ending (which I won’t “sin” in this case since it stayed
true to history). But I suppose my point in referencing Apollo 13 is: forgiveness
is like a spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. If we procrastinate forgiveness (come in too
shallow), we shun mercy in favor of entitlement, self-justice…even withdrawal.
On the flip side, if we rush
forgiveness (come in too steep), then we empower suppressed emotion and self-preservation, in turn,
burning away the opportunity for vulnerability and keeping our insecurities in
limbo.
So what do we do when we’re in a forgiveness pinch? Well, if
we want to extend forgiveness the way God would have us, then I’d say we must
find the balance between patience (strategically seeking the Lord first) and
honesty.
You see…in my experiences, far too often, I see people
trying to cover up the past, sweeping opportunities for reconciliation under
the carpet…basically doing whatever they can to hide and avoid confrontation.
Granted, I believe it’s wise to get away with God to glean His
gameplan for reconciliation; however, this doesn’t mean we make quiet time
something our forgiveness can hide behind. ‘Cause at the end of the day,
extending mercy must be realized internally and externally. So if we’re not
willing to live grace demonstratively, then our forgiveness will remain partial
at best.
Whatever the situation, forgiveness must be an evident,
continuous reality in our lives. I know in this day and age, it ‘s easy to want
a clear-cut, 5W1 forgiveness formula.
Yet, when it comes to discerning the immediacy of our forgiveness, the best
thing we can do is draw closer to God and inquire His timing.
My encouragement to you, friends, is to not rush forgiveness
just because you fear the guilt of grudge-holding. Instead, why not reference
God first in every challenge, make running to Him a daily habit, and relish the
opportunity to empty yourself before Him…all the while, watching His grace
permeate the space where unforgiveness once occupied.
After all, you gotta admit…it beats burning up or shutting down, am I right?
Footnotes
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Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
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